Grading the Bat Books: Fall 2012 Part 1

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Please Wait To Be Called!

We have all experienced the dread and fear of having several months worth of work be either praised or condemned by a single grade letter, and I have no doubt that many of you have just finished your finals and are trying to unwind from the stress of all that entails. You know what always made me feel better back in my college days? Judging, condemning, and grading others.

Professor BatWatch is here to give the Bat series their due by grading them over the Fall semester. (August through last week) Let’s call in the class and begin handing out grades.

Batgirl: B

Miss Gordon, your work last year left something to be desired, but I am very glad to say that your studies have greatly improved this semester  Your Joker project in particular was quite exquisite, and I look forward to seeing you complete it in the Spring. Still, I cannot help but feel that you could be doing more. I know you have had a tough life, but you have played your victim card for over a year now, and I am tired of it. It is time for you to take responsibility and embrace your opportunities. If you buckle down, I expect to be giving you an A in the Spring.

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Batman: B+

Well...this is awkward. I know that everybody expects the world of you, Mr. Wayne, and you are both popular and respected among students and teachers, so anything less than an A must come as quite a shock. Though I do believe you are making your best effort, I cannot help but notice that your Joker project has gone off the rails a bit. You have put a lot of effort into this, and it shows, but in creating an excellent presentation, you seem to have forgotten to take care of the most basic elements…like how Joker can possibly kill scores of people without apparent effort and how he manages to be in a hundred places all at once. Keep in mind, B+ is a good grade; if you can just ground Joker a little more, you will earn a great grade in the Spring.

Batman: Arkham Unhinged: C-

Mr. Unhinged, your name well befits your personality for the quality of your work has changed vastly over time. I thought I was going to have the pleasure of giving you an F when you were sleeping through all your assignments early in the year, but things have gradually turned around of recent. It seems your tutoring with Miss Traviss is helping, so I strongly suggest you continue seeing her. If you can keep up your current level of quality, then I believe you will earn much more than a C- next semester.

Batman Beyond: B+

Mr. McGinnis! Nice of you to join me today. I see you so infrequently that I barely recognized you. As you can see, you have passed with flying colors. Despite your attendance issues, the quality of your work has been quite high. My only complaint is that I wish you would show up a little more often. You must depart because your employer is calling? Typical.

Batman: The Dark Knight: D-

Your name, Mr. Knight, bespeaks a beautiful and wonderful heritage made up of hard working students who strove to do their best and succeeded. You are a shame to that name. Oh sure, you might look cool, and you managed to be popular due to your name alone, but it seems your brain is full of mush for your plots have never made any sense! Your Zero project was a mind numbing disaster, and your interpretation of Scarecrow is strained, rushed, and poorly conceived. You disappoint me.

Batman Incorporated: B-

First, Mr. Incorporated, let me compliment you on your excellent work. You have been an exceptionally consistent student over the past eight years, and your work has improved as this semester has continued. The only problem was your first grade on the Zero project. I’m sorry to say it, but it was clear you were not really trying on that one. I understand that the Zero project might not have been your ideal assignment, but it was still an assignment, and you cannot simply coast and expect your grade to remain unblemished. Other than that one blunder, you have done great work, and I look forward to seeing you after the Christmas break.

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Batman and Robin: D+

Give me your attention, Damian! I know this grade displeases you, but being angry with me will not change anything. You have great potential; your Zero project, for instance, was excellent, but ever since then, you seem to be paying no attention to either instructions or assignments. This…nonsense with zombies is a crass, obscene and juvenile display. You may be more known for your athleticism than your intellect, but I know you can do much better than this.

Put down the sword, Mr. Wayne, unless you would like me to call your father.

Batwing: C-

I know you are new here, Mr. Zavimbe, and this rather eccentric and elitist school can take its pound of flesh from the freshman. With that in mind, I want you to know that I believe you have what it takes to be among this school’s intellectual elite. However, you do have some improving to do before you get there. Your Zero project was strong, and I felt that you grew a lot with that assignment, but since then, I feel you have not been giving your school work your full attention. You have been improving a little since consulting with Mr. Nicieza, so I suggest you continue to go to tutoring sessions. With a little luck and hard work, I will be giving you an A in a few months.

Batwoman: A-

Every once in a while, Ms. Kane, a teacher gets an opportunity to teach a student who really makes it all worthwhile.  You, Kate, are just such a student. All your projects were created with the utmost care, and it showed in every panel. You have been spending a long time working on your Medusa project, but it is clear that you are thriving with it, so take as long as you need. My only complaint is that I do not have more students like you.

Class Dismissed!

It is time to close our books and go home. The rest of grades will be given out next Friday. In the mean time, do you feel I was too harsh or too lenient? How would you grade the greats?

Keep an eye out for Monday’s article, “Appreciating Williams the Third.”